Category: Going Steady

What is Effective Communication?

Since women are attracted to the communicators, just what is effective communication? And how do you transform yourself into an effective communicator who women want to be around?

I think effective communication is when you can communicate to others that their issues won't effect you. And that even though you accept and respect them as a person, you want no part of what they're involved in.

But to do so, you first have to have a good awareness and stock of your own issues...

... and how THEY effect others.

For I think it's impossible to deal with other people's issues if you haven't first resolved those same issues within yourself.

So what is effective communication... really?

It's a side-effect of self-mastery.

That's why you're about to learn the reasoning behind the following issues, for they destroy effective communication. You'll learn why they show up in your interactions, and how to resolve them.

Stop Apologizing for Your Behavior

People apologize for who they are or how they act because they fear being disapproved of or not being accepted. Ultimately, they're leaving their sense of adequacy up to other people's opinions.

Fearing not being accepted by others, especially by women, is really just a symptom of not accepting yourself.

When you apologize to women by explaining why you act the way to do or by making excuses for how you act, you're trying buy their approval rather than accepting yourself and defining your own Identity...

... and then letting them decide about you for themselves.

Like buying flowers, apologizing is a method of trying to buy approval.

But women are always attracted to grounded men; men with strong identities, who don't apologize for their behavior -- even when women criticize them because these men won't bend to women's agendas, as we see time and time again with jerks.

Women go for jerks because, even though jerks may have issues, they refuse to feel guilty or let women shame them for being who they are.

What is effective communication?

Not apologizing for who you are today or how you act today. But instead, being aware of yourself and the effect you have... and, yes, resolving to LET others have the freedom to disapprove of you -- without taking it personally.

In fact, that's when you'll get the most approval!

Stop Discussing Personal Problems

People talk about their personal problems because they want pity. They want to avoid taking responsibility for themselves, so they blame others for their problems.

In fact, what they really want is to try to convince you how hard their lot in life has been, so you can back them up in justifying their guilt for refusing to change.

This is irresponsible. And, I think, there's a part of all of us that wants to be dependent on outside forces, though it's unhealthy.

So when you bring your 'woe is me' stories to women, you're trying to give women responsibility over your life. In an inadvert way, you're looking to be mothered.

That's part of the Spine Donor Syndrome. It seems Nice Guys unconsciously look for a new mother in their love interests or girlfriends.

But women are attracted to guys who take responsibility for themselves.

Why?

Because they know that this kind of guy doesn't want to get together with them to fill an emptiness in himself.

What is effective communication then?

Not discussing your personal problems, and also, refusing to accept women from bringing you their personal problems and trying to win your sympathy.

Stop Discussing Other People

People complain about other people because THEY have an issue with that person, yet they refuse to confront that person or the issue itself and instead they vent in frustration, only to feed their resentment.

Like discussing personal problems, venting about how other people treat us is irresponsible. It implies we're incapable of handling ourselves.

When you discuss other people with women, especially to vent or stick your nose in their business by gossiping, it tells a woman you have hidden resentment.

But women are attracted to men who are stable and in control of their emotions. For if you're expressing resentment at others, there's a good chance that resentment will carry over to her eventually.

Who wants to be the target of blame for someone else's issue?

Nobody. It's burdensome.

So what is effective communication?

Not discussing other people or putting your nose in other people's business by gossiping about them. In other words, learning how to master your emotions, which makes you an effective communicator.

So Just What is Effective Communication?

What is effective communication, really?

It's really about mastering your own thoughts. In other words, knowing what kind of thoughts you want to encourage, and what kind of thoughts you want to prevent.

Then taking those directions into all your interactions and conversations.

When you know that apologizing for yourself is just setting yourself up for other people to have power over you, you stop doing it. And if you're for other people's freedom, you refuse to let other people apologize to you for their behavior -- because that means you don't accept them as they are.

When you know that discussing personal problems causes most people to give you pity or sympathy, which actually discourages you, you stop doing it. And again, if you're for other people's freedom, you refuse to listen to other people's sob stories.

And when you realize that gossiping or discussing other people strips you of your ability to deal with other people's behavior, you stop doing it. And yet again, you also refuse to accept others gossiping because you're welcoming their irresponsibility.

Of course, it's true. Some people will get upset at you for not going into the realm of irresponsibility with them -- because they're attached to it.

But that's their issue. Not yours. Remember that.

Remember also that women are attracted to effective communicators. Becoming an effective communicator will do more for you than any pick-up techniques or tricks you come across.