Friend or Foe?
For most, we find and establish friendships through circumstances. And once we get into the habit of having these people in our lives, we stop questioning who they are.
In fact, our approach to building friendships with other guys and our approach to our dating lives are quite similar.
The majority of guys, when they get into a relationship with a woman, do so -- not by design -- but by circumstance. They don't really choose her.
It's more of a 'fluke'.
These same guys tend to have the same approach to their friendships. Instead of choosing their friends -- friends who actually enrich their lives (and vice versa) -- they just happen into their them through association, perhaps work or school, and even childhood.
And their friendships only really last because of that history. It's a habit.
There is a great danger in allowing anyone into your life by fluke. Now, I'm not talking about 'accidentally' meeting someone and discovering you have a lot in common -- I'm talking about spending time with someone out of boredom or loneliness...
... and considering that a friendship.
The motivation here, really, is fear. And it's unwise to place your trust in people who are infected by fear.
What is a friendship without confidence? It's not a friendship. In fact, it can be the most dangerous relationship in your life.
You may be under the impression that, because you've spent a lot of time with someone, you know them. I think it's the opposite: the more you think you know someone, the less you actually do!
In the past, I've found that some of the people I considered my closest friends were actually my worst enemies.
And here's why...
We're all after the same things in life. We want our basic needs fulfilled. We want enough money that we don't have to worry about struggling to survive. We want good health so we look and feel our best. And we want intimate or sexual contact.
What you'll likely find is that most 'friends' who don't have these three basic needs fulfilled in their lives are not friends at all. In fact, they're your foes.
Why?
People who are too scared to pursue fulfilling their desires don't want you getting what they don't have. There's no reason to take this personally. It's got nothing to do with you. But they'll do just about anything to discourage you from getting these things because they feel threatened or jealous.
If you decide to find financial freedom, create an active dating life, or build the kind of body you want... and your friend's don't -- they will become your foes.
They'll cynically criticize you when they notice you making changes.
They'll try to persuade you to join them in wasting time when you want to work on yourself and your life.
They'll try to guilt-trip you when you choose to not spend time with them.
And many other subtle manipulations designed to discourage you from getting what they want.
Consider this.
When you choose your friends or close associates, be sure they either have their needs fulfilled OR are in the process. People in the process have resolved to go without for the time being and therefore don't feel threatened by you having what they want.
Guys who have their needs fulfilled are the very best friends you can have. Why? First, they won't infect you with their fears because they're in control of them. Second, because their needs are fulfilled, they won't see you as a threat and feel the need to compete with you. And third, the friendship is about you, not just what you can do for them.
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I look forward to meeting and talking with you in the forums.
See you there soon.
Your Friend,
Jay Julio
